Sunday, 14 February 2016
Story #173 - Improptu talk show segment (part 1)
I don't know how we got to this point. One moment ago Rachel was talking to Dan, the host of the late night show, then they stopped without saying anything offensive.
I am stuck in the middle. Literally, in the chair that's closest to his desk.
I go back and forth with my eyes between them, and she's sulking, glazing at the carpet on the floor, while he's holding his chin in palm.
"I'm a guest. He should talk to me, right?" I'm thinking, but seeing as how that's not going to happen, I might as well take over.
"Good evening, everybody, and welcome to the young and the pouty. The only place where you can see this show is on this channel, which I don't know what is."
Some guy from the back yells "CBS".
"CBS, NBC, ABC, STD, CBT, HIV, AIDS. They're all channels, but the last one is one letter too long!"
After that little giggle, I do hand puppets of what my encounters with them might be like. With Dan is some talk until he pisses me off and I punch him. There's a different chat with Rachel which ends with her kissing me. So I turn to her.
"I'm sure there's something. Why don't you tell me about it? It'll make you feel good."
"If you don't want to say it out loud, you can whisper it into my ear."
"Hmm... What would like to do now to get out of this feeling?"
"I haven't thought about it."
"Would you like to slap somebody?"
"...now that you mention it..." She turns towards me for the first since we've been talking, and smacks me hard over my right cheek.
"That was harsh."
"It was, and it made me feel better."
"Now you have to make me feel better."
"How can I do that?"
"I'd like a kiss." I know. I'm cheeky.
Rachel holds my face in her palms, brings hers forward, and our lips collide. Her eyes are closed, mine are not. The whole thing lasts maybe five seconds. After she takes her mouth away, I gently remove her hands, then I slide on the floor.
"And we'll be back after this brief commercial," I say without a care in the world. Damn. Wasn't expecting that to happen, despite my hand puppet shenanigans.