Wednesday, 30 September 2015
Story #36 - The "Where the hell am I?" Show
"Gooood evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to tonight's premiere of "Where the hell am I?""
Some mild applause can be heard from the small crowd of less than a dozen. This shoe-string budget novelty show couldn't afford to get a "clapper", and the presenter has to use his charm and charisma to make it work. And since they're in an old depot that still has webs, a musky smell, bad lighting and perhaps some kind of vermin was another reason why so few showed up.
"I am your host for this evening, Burt Childs. And without further ado, let me introduce you to our three lovely guests.
The first one up is Jackie Palmer."
A woman of about fifty years old with curly black hair that reaches her shoulders, black John Lennon glasses, black lipstick, black jumper, black skirt, black stockings, black loafers, and no jewelry.
"Jackie is from Iowa, and she specifically wrote on her letter toward us that she isn't much of a talker. As you can see, she is quite shy." She has her head down, not even staying in the light, although the people in the depot can see her, but not those watching on their devices.
"Our second guest is Flip. He is from..."
"Yo, 'scuse me, man. I'd like to introduce myself, if that's alright with you." Burt Childs is speechless. "Yo. I be Flip, from the East Coast, and that's all ya need to know. I wear my cap high, and my jeans low. My kicks are extra large, and my hoodie, extra slim. That's all y'all need to know." He stepped into the light. And quite weirdly, he received more applause than the compere, who was rooted to the floor.
"And...and...now...ou-our third guest is...aaaaa... Helen B."
"Hello, Burt. Glad to be on the show."
She was dressed like the rainbow. Green hair, violet sleeveless top, orange and indigo bracelets, red flip-flops, yellow overalls, and blue lipstick. She looked absolutely mesmerizing to watch, and Childs was awestruck.
"Yes, hello, Helen. Good to have you here."
The host is wiggling his fingers, then grabs the mic with that hand.
"Let's get this show on the road. Your first question is: Stuck in the jungle, having birds and flies roam around me, alligators in the waters nearby. What are your answers?"
Flip said first. "Bronx, yo."
"I'm afraid that's incorrect."
"The Amazon jungle," said Helen.
"Ooo, that's quite close, but it's incorrect again."
Jackie stepped into the light, raised her head. For the first time since she came in the building, her face could be seen, except that she had mask over it, and dark glasses covering her eyes.
"Where the hell am I?"
There was silence.
"That is indeed correct. Give some applause to Jackie, ladies and gentlemen. And with that said, we will be back after intermission."