Mornin' gag

One early morning, while Jan was still sleeping, I snuck outside the room and came back after five minutes. The reason? I wanted to wake her up by tickling her toe with a leaf.
At first, she just scratched her feet, but after trying some more, she woke up and was all sweaty.

"Hey, I had this nightmare. I dreamt I was invaded by rats and they were crawling all over my legs."
"One crazy dream, babe."
"What are you doing over there?"
"Umm... nothing." I said with a smile on my face.

Sensing something weird going on, she got up and came near me. I, on the other hand, hid the leaf inside my shorts.
She made me get up and I showed her that I had nothing on me.
I left the room and she jumped back in bed.

The next morning I felt something scratching my face. At first I thought it was the cat, but then I opened my eyes and screamed. It was the leaf, but she cut it in certain ways to make it look scary.

"You dropped it yesterday. The joke's on you now."
"Yes, I suppose it is."

Needless to say, I stopped doing things like that to Jan, for a while at least.

A dreamy dialogue

"Let's do something."

"Like... ?"

"Like bungee-jumping, go-karting, hang-gliding, let's make prank calls, let's do some acting or record a video, let's play some games or mosh pit to horrible music, let's do something interesting."

"Are you that bored?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you'll stay like that since we're broke, have no games, no phones, or camers, heck, we don't even have a home and you know it, now stop sniffing glue all by yourself and give me some."

The apartment

Jackie knew that the front door had been left open, but he knew nothing of what was inside.

The apartment had been done over by the repairmen and the whole lot, all it needed now was his seal of approval.

Yet, when he entered, he saw decrepitness all over, which begged him to think about the quality of work, or lack thereof. 

It smelled horribly, the pipes were leaking, the carpets were stained, the walls were sullied and he even saw several roaches roaming around.

The whole thing stank of phoniness and lack of hard work, but there was a noise coming from the kitchen, which made him go there, thinking it was a rat or something similar.

When he entered, the noise was being made by the refrigerator, so he opened it, only to discover something that... captured people.

The child

In a quiet room stood a grey haired child, whose only ambition was to become the most successful man that ever lived.

Easier said than done.

He only knew point A to point Z, but the rest was a blur.

He thought about what to do, about the success that he wanted, in which domain, he even tried writing his skills on paper, but he couldn't find none.

Therefore, what was a boy to do when he was so barren and lacked anything that made other people great?

He decided to leave the room, that was point B, and several years later, point Z came to fruition.

A stupid gag

"Janice, you have to listen to me."
"Why?"
"Because if you don't, you won't get the 20 quid that you wanted."
She pouted and left the room.
Her father was being a bit harsh on her, but it made her think. She wanted that money no matter what, so she left the house via the window in her bedroom.
During those four hours she had been away, her father didn't know a thing, but when she came back in the living room, she was all smiles.
"What are ye laughing at?"
"It's a... it's a... "
And the door bell rang.

The father opened the door and two blokes were there.
"Oi, mate, cough up or we'll grass ya."
"I beg your pardon?"
"You'll be beggin' me fist if ye don't give me the money in yer house, mate."
"Who are you?"
"We be people that be wantin' yer money, now give it here or we'll smash ya."
Father turned around and saw her laughing.
"Oh, daddy, I'm sorry, it was just a plain old gag, I didn't think they'd actually do it."
"This is your idea of a joke? And for a measly 20 quid?"
The parent threw his arms in the air, moved to the table, picked up the money and gave it to her.
"Now go, and don't come back, ever. And I mean it."

She took it and left. She never set foot in that house again. Never spoke to her parent, but went on to become a married woman in another town, and a successful one at that.

The tie

Mark wore a violet tie today. There was no particular reason for wearing that tie, other than felling in love with it.
A couple of months prior, he hated that color. Mainly because he felt it was a girls color. That was until he saw this tie and wanted to have. He went into the store and tried it on. It looked "smashing" on him, as one of the women working there told him. 
Mark decided to leave it on and leave the shop. Once outside, he looked at himself in the windows and saw dark clouds forming. When he turned around to continue walking, the clouds were no more, but he didn't notice.

While he was crossing the street, a drunk driver happened to stroll around the road and dent several cars. However, when he saw this guy with a violet tie walking so peaceful on the zebra, he decided to ram him. Going overboard with the speed, the car stopped at a mere inch away from Mark. His engine broke down.
The lad looked with shock at the car that nearly flattened him, not knowing what to make of it.
He barely made it across, and checked himself in a rear view mirror, to see how he looked. Above his head was a shiny, golden, circular object. It was a halo. He blinked and it was gone.
Mark couldn't believe what he saw, and since that day, he wore the tie on special occasions, bringing him luck in the process.

Peach

A peach was about to be eaten.

It was nice, juicy and hairless.

Of course, that would make it a nectarine, but it wasn't, just a special type.

A taste of that fruit and you'd feel what gods felt when they ate ambrosia.

Nothing so sweet and so pure as a peach.

Nothing so nice you wouldn't want to eat twice.

The book

The book was full of quotes and borrowed phrases, but not a single word was written.

Every word that you saw in the book had appeared like magic, through unknown methods.

Only one copy was known of this book and it was discovered in the library by mistake, when a young pupil was searching for unorthodox books about the world.

The librarian had no recollection of the book, but he loaned to the lad.

After reading the book, the boy was on cloud nine because of what his eyes saw.

Thanks to that book, he became a scholar and, soon enough, the greatest prophet the world had ever known, except that it was all in his head, because the book had ceased to exist and his mind left him soon after that.