Monday, 22 August 2016

Story #363 - The two birds I hate

"In life, like in many other areas, there are stuff you just want to stamp on. These two birds is what I'd like to stamp on.
The first one is the pigeon, or as I'd like to call it, the flirty bird.
It goes around, goo-goo, goo-goo, tilting its head in front, like a fuckin' clockwork cuckoo bird, coming at you, making those crooning noises, basically saying 'Gimme some bread, gimme some sugar, gimme some honey, gimme something, you cheap bastard,' and if you don't, it'll fly away thinking 'Ya didn't wanna give me something, huh? I'll give you something on your shoulder, just in case, goo-goo-goo.'
The second one is the seagull. Now, despite it looking a bit prehistoric with that big beak and those beady eyes, the seagull is guilty of laughing at you. Not in the way the hyena does it, though. That critter laughs at you like it's your mate. 'Aw, you drank too much and now you're on the floor? Idiot. Let's drink some more and get the both of us fucked up.' The seagull, however, is more like 'Aw, you drank too much like the idiot you are, huh? I told you to stop it after the third pint. Now I have to call your girlfriend and tell her what an embarrassment you are. Maybe she'll get sad and I'll have to get together with her. Know what I mean.'
I just want to punch that idiotic bird in its beak every time I hear it laugh like that.

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