Story #365 - The end

"Ah...the wind is beating down upon my head, the dew upon my body, and my eyes want to close right away.
The ledge of the London Bridge isn't as scary as I thought it would be, or as cold, and I picked the right time, as the river Thames is at its highest point.
I always thought it would end like this, even if not this bridge, I always pictured myself going down under water. I don't know why, but it felt the most relaxing way, the least painful, and the most serene. I mean, we came up from the water, might as well return to it, right?
I know you are probably wondering why I'm here, writing this story, when I'm about to jump, well, I figured I'd try to do something other than walk when I'm depressed. Having that shit 9 months out of the year, with the other 3 just pretending to feel fine before I relapse isn't what I call living.
I just get bored of everything at some point, and although I look for help at times, it's still pointless.
I'm better off not being. Nobody's gonna miss me.
Typing that made me even sadder.
I feel a cold's about to come soon. I'd rather not catch it.
Well, it's been fun.
Bye."

Story #364 - Stand, maggot

Somewhere in a park, on a sunny day, where four *Ouch* five men. One of them was pure evil, hitting me, the narrator, with his helmet, for not taking him into consideration.
"And jump outta this page and deck ya, boy."
I have no idea how he's talking, but I'll let it slide.
Moving on, the four men are standing straight, wearing tan outfits that are changing colours as I speak. They aren't allowed to have caps, sunglasses, or water bottles. In fact, there are no trees in that particular area for at least 2 square kilometers. Apparently, according to the boss-
"Whoa, whoa, whoa... Lemme say this, you good for nothing twerp. Now, see here, being in a shade shows your weakness. Shows you're a pussy. One who can't do anything without going back to their mommy."
Right. So you read. These guys are here for training. Mental and physical. Whoever cracks will be forced to stay an hour longer. And then do push-ups until they puke themselves to sleep.
Blimey. I'm starting to sound like the Corporal over there.
"Sounds to me like you're improving, boy."
I wish I'd improve your-

Story #363 - The two birds I hate

"In life, like in many other areas, there are stuff you just want to stamp on. These two birds is what I'd like to stamp on.
The first one is the pigeon, or as I'd like to call it, the flirty bird.
It goes around, goo-goo, goo-goo, tilting its head in front, like a fuckin' clockwork cuckoo bird, coming at you, making those crooning noises, basically saying 'Gimme some bread, gimme some sugar, gimme some honey, gimme something, you cheap bastard,' and if you don't, it'll fly away thinking 'Ya didn't wanna give me something, huh? I'll give you something on your shoulder, just in case, goo-goo-goo.'
The second one is the seagull. Now, despite it looking a bit prehistoric with that big beak and those beady eyes, the seagull is guilty of laughing at you. Not in the way the hyena does it, though. That critter laughs at you like it's your mate. 'Aw, you drank too much and now you're on the floor? Idiot. Let's drink some more and get the both of us fucked up.' The seagull, however, is more like 'Aw, you drank too much like the idiot you are, huh? I told you to stop it after the third pint. Now I have to call your girlfriend and tell her what an embarrassment you are. Maybe she'll get sad and I'll have to get together with her. Know what I mean.'
I just want to punch that idiotic bird in its beak every time I hear it laugh like that.

Story #362 - Pub crawl costume

"What in Sam Hill are you doing?"
"Huh? What? Can't you tell?"
"I didn't know you liked to wear drag."
"This is an Ancient Roman robe-a-like. Me and a few of my mates are going out. And it's that time of the month."
"Just like with the drag, I thought you were a guy. Didn't realize you were a girl, and your period was starting. The things I miss when I'm at work, man..."
"Idiot. Don't you know that there's a monthly bar crawl thing where you dress differently?"
"Don't fancy them, so no."
"Well, it's a great thing."
"You drink wearing stupid outfits. Nothing different from the usual, apart from you looking stupid, not just acting."
"Your fun at parties."
"I am. Now go on your period."

Story #361 - Get your free item

"Good evening, folks. We've got a special promotion for you this evening, and it will all happen at aisle 20 in just a few moments, so make your way there if you would like a free gift."
'Free, huh? I wonder what's the catch. I'm sure there's something.'
"Alright, folks. In just a few more seconds we will start the procedure, so if you haven't already, make your way to aisle 20 to receive your free gift on our special promotion."
'I've made my way here. Where are you, mate? There are at least twenty of us around. Impressive, considering the store is somewhat dead right now. Ah, there he is, wearing an apron from some weirdly named promotions company. Mid '40s, a bit chubby around the waist, a slither of grey hairs popping on the sides of his hair. Let's see what you can do.'
"Okay, folks. If you could all leave your trolleys on the left side of the aisle, and come over to me, so we can all get started.
Come on, squeeze, so everybody can see. Everybody? Good.
Alright, we are doing this promotion that is strictly in this store, and as a thank you for leaving everything in order to come here, I will give this free gift to everyone present. If you could all spread these around, so that we can do it faster, in a teamwork fashion, and after you've received it, could you please raise it in the air, because it's important for the ending. Alright? Does everyone have it?"
'Oh, grand. A cooking thing. A round slicer that I will never use. Well, there goes five minutes of trying to be sold something. I'm gonna go before he fills my head with other junk.'

Story #360 - It was supposed to be a nice day #final #part

'That daughter of mine is getting on my nerves every time. But I'm sure I do the same to her,' she thought. 'My brother and our mom are driving me off the edge, and I just can't take it anymore. I need a break, a vacation, a something away from my motherly duties. I need to go away.'
Tracy placed the hard part of her palms over her eyes and rubbed them, as if she wanted to put them out of her sockets.
The phone started buzzing again. She smiled. She took it out, and dropped it beside her feet, listening to it shaking on the concrete slab.
'Yeah, that's what I need. That's exactly what I need.'
She stood up, looked around for her child, but couldn't see Maria, then left. Without glancing back.

Story #359 - It was supposed to be a nice day #part 3

Tracy turned around to see her daughter dangling like a chimp, minus the vine swinging, from a branch not too high up.
"You sure do like your attention, missy."
"But I'm stuck."
"No, you're not. Lower your feet and let go."
"I'm afraid."
"You destroyed that spider web with a jagged rock, but you're afraid of coming down?"
"Yes."
"I'm not in the mood for this, hun."
"Fine..." Maria says, letting herself go, smacking the ground with her behind, shrieking once that impact happened.
"I hope you're not going to cry now."
"Maybe," her voice changed from the mischievous one from earlier.
"Where are you going now?"
"I don't know. Leave me alone."
The mom shook her head as her child went away, scratching at her right buttocks. She let out a sigh.

Story #358 - It was supposed to be a nice day #part 2

She let the phone vibrate in her hand once more before pressing the green button.
"Mar-"
"Tracy! Where are you?"
"In the park. What's wrong?"
"Your mom just keeled over."
"She...died?"
"No. Nothing like that."
"Then don't say keeled over, you fuckin' imbecile. Say she fell or something. Goddammit. I almost turned white." She placed her free hand the side of her face, covering her eye and part of the mouth.
"She's still feeling the effects, you know."
"Why was she up, anyway? Doctor's told us not to let her move from the bed."
"I took my eye off of her."
"Moron."
"Hey, I fell asleep. You know how hard this shit is."
"I do. This is my first day out of the house in a month."
"Oh. I'm not gonna nag you, then. Enjoy your time."
"I will. Let me know if something changes."
"Yeah. Bye."
Tracy put the device back in her pocket.
'Jesus. Can't get a solitary moment out of there.'
"Mommy, I can't get down. Help." Maria's voice came from behind her mother.