Wednesday, 24 August 2016
The ledge of the London Bridge isn't as scary as I thought it would be, or as cold, and I picked the right time, as the river Thames is at its highest point.
I always thought it would end like this, even if not this bridge, I always pictured myself going down under water. I don't know why, but it felt the most relaxing way, the least painful, and the most serene. I mean, we came up from the water, might as well return to it, right?
I know you are probably wondering why I'm here, writing this story, when I'm about to jump, well, I figured I'd try to do something other than walk when I'm depressed. Having that shit 9 months out of the year, with the other 3 just pretending to feel fine before I relapse isn't what I call living.
I just get bored of everything at some point, and although I look for help at times, it's still pointless.
I'm better off not being. Nobody's gonna miss me.
Typing that made me even sadder.
I feel a cold's about to come soon. I'd rather not catch it.
Well, it's been fun.
Tuesday, 23 August 2016
"And jump outta this page and deck ya, boy."
I have no idea how he's talking, but I'll let it slide.
Moving on, the four men are standing straight, wearing tan outfits that are changing colours as I speak. They aren't allowed to have caps, sunglasses, or water bottles. In fact, there are no trees in that particular area for at least 2 square kilometers. Apparently, according to the boss-
"Whoa, whoa, whoa... Lemme say this, you good for nothing twerp. Now, see here, being in a shade shows your weakness. Shows you're a pussy. One who can't do anything without going back to their mommy."
Right. So you read. These guys are here for training. Mental and physical. Whoever cracks will be forced to stay an hour longer. And then do push-ups until they puke themselves to sleep.
Blimey. I'm starting to sound like the Corporal over there.
"Sounds to me like you're improving, boy."
I wish I'd improve your-
Monday, 22 August 2016
The first one is the pigeon, or as I'd like to call it, the flirty bird.
It goes around, goo-goo, goo-goo, tilting its head in front, like a fuckin' clockwork cuckoo bird, coming at you, making those crooning noises, basically saying 'Gimme some bread, gimme some sugar, gimme some honey, gimme something, you cheap bastard,' and if you don't, it'll fly away thinking 'Ya didn't wanna give me something, huh? I'll give you something on your shoulder, just in case, goo-goo-goo.'
The second one is the seagull. Now, despite it looking a bit prehistoric with that big beak and those beady eyes, the seagull is guilty of laughing at you. Not in the way the hyena does it, though. That critter laughs at you like it's your mate. 'Aw, you drank too much and now you're on the floor? Idiot. Let's drink some more and get the both of us fucked up.' The seagull, however, is more like 'Aw, you drank too much like the idiot you are, huh? I told you to stop it after the third pint. Now I have to call your girlfriend and tell her what an embarrassment you are. Maybe she'll get sad and I'll have to get together with her. Know what I mean.'
I just want to punch that idiotic bird in its beak every time I hear it laugh like that.
Sunday, 21 August 2016
"Huh? What? Can't you tell?"
"I didn't know you liked to wear drag."
"This is an Ancient Roman robe-a-like. Me and a few of my mates are going out. And it's that time of the month."
"Just like with the drag, I thought you were a guy. Didn't realize you were a girl, and your period was starting. The things I miss when I'm at work, man..."
"Idiot. Don't you know that there's a monthly bar crawl thing where you dress differently?"
"Don't fancy them, so no."
"Well, it's a great thing."
"You drink wearing stupid outfits. Nothing different from the usual, apart from you looking stupid, not just acting."
"Your fun at parties."
"I am. Now go on your period."
Saturday, 20 August 2016
'Free, huh? I wonder what's the catch. I'm sure there's something.'
"Alright, folks. In just a few more seconds we will start the procedure, so if you haven't already, make your way to aisle 20 to receive your free gift on our special promotion."
'I've made my way here. Where are you, mate? There are at least twenty of us around. Impressive, considering the store is somewhat dead right now. Ah, there he is, wearing an apron from some weirdly named promotions company. Mid '40s, a bit chubby around the waist, a slither of grey hairs popping on the sides of his hair. Let's see what you can do.'
"Okay, folks. If you could all leave your trolleys on the left side of the aisle, and come over to me, so we can all get started.
Come on, squeeze, so everybody can see. Everybody? Good.
Alright, we are doing this promotion that is strictly in this store, and as a thank you for leaving everything in order to come here, I will give this free gift to everyone present. If you could all spread these around, so that we can do it faster, in a teamwork fashion, and after you've received it, could you please raise it in the air, because it's important for the ending. Alright? Does everyone have it?"
'Oh, grand. A cooking thing. A round slicer that I will never use. Well, there goes five minutes of trying to be sold something. I'm gonna go before he fills my head with other junk.'
Friday, 19 August 2016
Tracy placed the hard part of her palms over her eyes and rubbed them, as if she wanted to put them out of her sockets.
The phone started buzzing again. She smiled. She took it out, and dropped it beside her feet, listening to it shaking on the concrete slab.
'Yeah, that's what I need. That's exactly what I need.'
She stood up, looked around for her child, but couldn't see Maria, then left. Without glancing back.
Thursday, 18 August 2016
"You sure do like your attention, missy."
"But I'm stuck."
"No, you're not. Lower your feet and let go."
"You destroyed that spider web with a jagged rock, but you're afraid of coming down?"
"I'm not in the mood for this, hun."
"Fine..." Maria says, letting herself go, smacking the ground with her behind, shrieking once that impact happened.
"I hope you're not going to cry now."
"Maybe," her voice changed from the mischievous one from earlier.
"Where are you going now?"
"I don't know. Leave me alone."
The mom shook her head as her child went away, scratching at her right buttocks. She let out a sigh.
Wednesday, 17 August 2016
"Tracy! Where are you?"
"In the park. What's wrong?"
"Your mom just keeled over."
"No. Nothing like that."
"Then don't say keeled over, you fuckin' imbecile. Say she fell or something. Goddammit. I almost turned white." She placed her free hand the side of her face, covering her eye and part of the mouth.
"She's still feeling the effects, you know."
"Why was she up, anyway? Doctor's told us not to let her move from the bed."
"I took my eye off of her."
"Hey, I fell asleep. You know how hard this shit is."
"I do. This is my first day out of the house in a month."
"Oh. I'm not gonna nag you, then. Enjoy your time."
"I will. Let me know if something changes."
Tracy put the device back in her pocket.
'Jesus. Can't get a solitary moment out of there.'
"Mommy, I can't get down. Help." Maria's voice came from behind her mother.
Tuesday, 16 August 2016
"Maria!" came from the same left side. "Stop playing around with rocks. It's dangerous."
"I'm killing a spider, mom. I'm making it safer for others."
"Fine. Do what you will," she said, letting out a sigh.
The mother put her rose-tinted sunglasses on, a baseball cap, and crossed over to the grassy patch of the area.
"I should've brought a blanket," she muttered to herself. "I miss picnics." She sat down, on the grass, with an indirect view of her daughter, who was still troubling the edge of the bench.
Her phone started buzzing. She took it out and checked the name.
"For Pete's sake."
Monday, 15 August 2016
"Going out of town, man."
"You're always going out of town."
"Can't help it. My job wants me travel-"
"Get a different one."
"I can't find anything that'll pay me so well."
"I hear you, but I wanna see you, you know?"
"Hey, I wanna see you, too. There's nothing I can do about this, though."
"When are you free, then?"
"Tonight. How about tonight?"
"Well, I...think I can work something out, actually."
"Great. We can go get smashed and party like before."
"Hell, yeah. That's what I'm talking about."
"In an hour?"
"Sounds good. Same place?"
"See ya then."
Sunday, 14 August 2016
It is interesting how one needs junk food in their life in order to enjoy something.
Whether it be a movie, or a get-together, or a simple night out, one has to ravish their body in order to appease someone.
According to the media, we can't be healthy at nights, only during the day, and mostly when we're alone, otherwise we'll be frowned upon, which is a big no-no.
And this is the kind of bullshit that makes one notice why most people don't live the life they want.
The social stereotype of party hard, work hard, be brainless, is in abundance right now.
After all, you can be famous for sleeping with someone, if you know how to market yourself.
Saturday, 13 August 2016
Sure, it's nice to talk to folks when you're out for a jog, yet my competitive nature comes up and I crank my speed a little.
It's nice to talk. It's nicer to be faster for a proper workout. I get how that can slight others, who simply see running as something fun, light-hearted, and relaxing, except for me. I want to give it my all. I like doing that, even if I end up short.
If only there'd be more like-minded peeps around...
Friday, 12 August 2016
Why do I have a double whisky on the rocks when I'm not even that sad?
Why am doing in this kind of place at this time of day when I could easily be home? Better yet, I could be out shopping, or in the park, or doing something other than wasting money on alcohol.
I don't need this crap in my life. I don't-
"-I'd like to do to them what they did to me, you know? I have eight scars, I have a hard time finding a job, I have... Well, if you want to go call the police on me saying that I'm going to commit murder, be my guest."
What the fuck is that all about? A not so drunk guy talking to the bartender about his problems? Do they know each other? Don't reckon it.
I may be miserable, but I think that bloke is out of his mind.
"I get home smashed every day, but I'm gonna surprise my mum and be sober. This is my third one. That's as good as I can be."
It's these kinds of people that drive me away from places like these. Actually, they're the ones that can scare customers off.
I feel bad for the bartender.
Thursday, 11 August 2016
Hours upon hours are spent on websites, scouring for a new flat, for a safe area, for something nice.
Simultaneously, on different website, the searches are ongoing for jobs.
Lastly, searches are also on clubs and other fun areas. Because you have to have a place where you spend your neurons and cash on, too.
I know, there's a spot I'm missing, which is the cultural part. I am surprised at how many people don't really care about this part. I guess it's the same ones that don't view it as a way to make a living.
Stress can get bigger than this, but those other factors are best left for a different conversation.
Wednesday, 10 August 2016
"Great, coach. Thanks."
"But make sure you stay away from bread."
"I want a pizza, coach. That's bread."
"Yes. Stay away from it."
"No. I want it."
"If you're gonna eat that, then don't bother coming here tomorrow. Come the day after."
"You'll be bloated and won't be able to do your regular workout."
"Then what kind of junk food do you recommend?"
"Nothing, but if you must, potatoes, or sorbet, or white rice."
"Guess I'll be seeing you in two days, then."
"Get ready to have your ass kicked."
Tuesday, 9 August 2016
"How can you talk like that about dad?"
"What? He's dead. It doesn't matter much."
"It matters to me, dammit. It's still real."
"Two months have passed."
"Yeah. Just two months. I need more time to feel like he's gone."
"I see. But anyway, what do you want to do with his things?"
"Do we really have to do something right now?"
"No. We should sort them out, at least. I'm sure he has nice things around here, and maybe we can give some to charity."
"I'm not ready for that, either. You can do it alone."
"Fine... I hope that when I die, people will just throw my shit away."
Monday, 8 August 2016
I hadn't even seen the man, when I heard him in the shower.
Initially, through the muddling of the walls corroborated with the music my laptop was dishing out, I thought someone was dying, or crying, or having one of those happenings were it's perceived to be unnatural in talking to others. At least according to the media.
I can't say it bothered me much knowing that he was at his wits' end, however, once I turned down the song, I heard properly. The man was singing in the shower worse than most when drunk. No melodic line, no nothing. Chalk on board would've been more bearable. Alas, I had to turn the volume up.
Two days later, I heard his room's door getting closed with the keys, and that didn't bother me one bit. I understand, a new place, and the last thing one needs is to lose their belongings to strangers they haven't met. Yet, he went into the toilet. This puzzled me deeply. I did not keep check of the minutes, but it had been between 10 and 15. Then, he unlocked his door and went back in his chamber.
A week has passed, with the same habits. I'm looking forward to the next ones.
Sunday, 7 August 2016
Armed with a gleeful smile, the giddiness of a child, as well as the hope that it would not suck, I embarked on the journey to the outskirts; it was boring, yet necessary.
When I reached the sandy shores, I discovered a small, serene slice of heaven.
Nobody was there. And that was fine. I had it all to myself. And that was great.
The people who help keep the area clean had placed three volleyball nets, made mounds to hide behind, in their attempt to offer something special in such a small place.
Every sand-filled area by the sea has shells, algae covering rocks, or your leg, depending on how long you stay there, and great water, but not every place has that homely feeling of "I feel like I want to spend my years here."
Amsterdam, the city that keeps making you come back. It is, definitely, one of those perfect places around the globe.
Saturday, 6 August 2016
The rain started less than five minutes ago, and I already have my glasses soaked.
Walking by the canals in Amsterdam is certainly something different, with narrow pathways, bikes and civilians at the same time, as well as girls in abundance. Men more so, but...
Before I can finish that thought, I stop, take off my glasses to wipe them with my t-shirt, then place them back. In an instant, I my eyes meet that of a window girl's. She's pointing at hers, smiling, somewhat inviting me inside. I smile back before carrying on walking.
Tempted, tempting, a model's body with a high maintenance face, something I will never want, was approachable for one night, and for one night, those dreams went away.
If only she wasn't behind glass, under a red light, wearing silk underwear that would make any guy jump.
Paying for a girl, no matter the look, wasn't something I looked forth. Still isn't. Probably will never be.
Still, bawling my eyes at some of them was gratuitous, and I took it.
Friday, 5 August 2016
"Darling, I have to go or I'll miss my bus."
"I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you, too, but I have to go."
"Just five more minutes, babe."
"I can only do one. Look at the driver, he's going mad, yelling at everyone to hop on or they'll be left here."
"The asshole. Doesn't he know I won't get to see you for a month?"
"I have to go. Gimme a kiss."
'Good thing she didn't look back after that, or she would've seen my tears flowing. Man, I feel sad. Don't think I'm getting out of bed tomorrow.'
Thursday, 4 August 2016
Walking around in areas where not many go through, I tend to see different things.
This particular instance had two crows and a rat.
One was plucking away at the rodent, like a chicken does at corn, while the other looked at his brother and gave out several grieving cries.
The pecker went at it two more times, but was probably driven mad by those nags. He took flight into the distance.
The annoyed one started jabbing into the tailed being, then noticed me passing by them.
It stopped as it turned its head around to glance at me. Our eyes met for a brief second, with me looking the other way the next second.
I don't want any of that. I don't want any problems. Keep it.
Wednesday, 3 August 2016
Tick, tock, tick, tock, goes the crossing pole after you press the button to make it green.
A sound like an ancient clock, going back and forth into this modern world, before it releases more ants that want to go to the other side.
Went that light switches, and gives them a go, an uzzi-like sound comes forth, spilling that rattattatta into the wilderness of the street.
As civilians rush to get across, the tram waits, patiently, grinding the engine.
When it comes time, a gong strikes, letting everyone know that the big boy colored in white and blue is starting its stroll.
Cars? Nobody cares. Their revving is enough.
Tuesday, 2 August 2016
"I'm sorry," she says. "What more do you want me to do?"
To her side, on the ground, an old man. He was trying to get up after being toppled over by this foreign girl who didn't know the Dutch rules of biking. Look everywhere.
She caused the guy's accident, and there he was, in probably his first ever collapse, all due to a ditzy blonde with glasses, and an American accent.
He was spewing something in his nature tongue, his face turned from pasty white to flushed red, as the insults kept coming in his native tongue.
The front wheel was off a bit, enough to make the steering a chore.
She went inside the bus that had arriving. He carried on somehow.
Monday, 1 August 2016
It's pizza time. It gets to me at times, too. More so when I'm walking around and all I see are pizza places.
Haven't had one in a while.
Let's see what they-
"Hi. I've been looking at your menu and I see you don't have anything vegan."
"We have bread..."
I gave him such a big smile that he stopped, ogled his eyes at me, then changed the menu page.
"We also have some focaccia and-"
"Not a big fan of that, but thanks."
At least he didn't say grass. People are advancing.